But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
