You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
