So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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