His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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