so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
