glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
