...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
