Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I want to be your penis for a week.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
