Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
