lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
