If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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