no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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