So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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