pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
