after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
