nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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