I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
