I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
