Cold hands, warm shart.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
