And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
