Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
