Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
