Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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