2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
