Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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