soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
