I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
