if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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