I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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