party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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