thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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