remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
