yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
