So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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