OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
