I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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