Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
