Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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