Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
