i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
