you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
