You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
