Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
