its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
