my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
