Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
