well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
