I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
