apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
