new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
