Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
