is wine microwaveable?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
