Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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