I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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