he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
