I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just pee around me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
