So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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